A short five days after my last entry on this blog, Kelley lost her fight with cancer, and we lost her. Words cannot even express the extreme sadness that came over me and the rest of my family. Trying to come to grips with loss and grief is probably one of the hardest tasks we all need to go through in life. It is so hard to go on and not question WHY?? Why Kelley? Why now? But all the questions in my head could drive me crazy... I learned I just needed to accept it and move on.....but move on in the right direction.
Jack met Kelley and to say it was a whirlwind romance would be an understatement. I had truly never seen him so happy in his life up to that point. He told me when he met her.."She is exactly what I want" They were married a short year later. The rest they say is history.
Work, kids, house remodels, vacations and the rest soon followed...and as they say.. life got in the way...I never had the chance to spend girl time with Kelley. We never went shopping, never went for pedicures, never to the movies..Life got in the way. It was not until Kelley got sick that I was able to tell her how I felt about her..that I loved her..that I loved her for loving Jack so well.
Jack was scheduled for a business trip to Sweden. Nanny was to go stay at the house with Kelley and the kids. For some reason, I called Kelley the week before and asked if I could come sleepover with the girls...(Emma would love it!) Little did I know that this was all in the plan.
The day before Kelley died, I took her for radiation, then we went to a local furniture store so she could order a coffee table!! Then back to the hospital for chemo. The most heartfelt conversation I ever had with Kelley took place that morning. She told me so many things..most of all how she was at peace with her prognosis, and as I cried as she said it, she told me to be brave. She was so strong.
We talked a bit about heaven and she told me a story of a prayer group friend's sister who had died from breast cancer. This woman told her family that when she died she would give them a sign that she was okay. She determined that she would be something shimmery or sparkling. I asked Kelley if she could come back as something what would it be? She told me she was not sure, but not something cliche like a bird or butterfly!! Kelley looked at me and simply said "I just really love the idea of a sparkle" I replied that is such a nice thought...to be a sparkle. And that was it.. nothing else was said about it.
Kelley died on Wednesday, a day after I was sitting with her talking about coffee tables. We all knew she was terminal but you are just never ready. I was in furthur turmoil because Jack could not be there. I was there for Jack, I held her hand, I cared for her the way Jack would have done. But that was Kelley's plan, she was protecting Jack. She loved him so much she did not want him to suffer. The day following her death was terrible, I was in a fog and just emotionally and physically spent. I went home to David and my girls.
I did not sleep much that night, as I thought so much about Kelley. Maeve woke up extra early that morning as well. I was anxious to get her from her crib and as I went to pick her up, I see as plain as can be, a small fleck of glitter in the middle of her forehead. That was the sparkle. I knew that Kelley was ok and was watching over us.
Jack met Kelley and to say it was a whirlwind romance would be an understatement. I had truly never seen him so happy in his life up to that point. He told me when he met her.."She is exactly what I want" They were married a short year later. The rest they say is history.
Work, kids, house remodels, vacations and the rest soon followed...and as they say.. life got in the way...I never had the chance to spend girl time with Kelley. We never went shopping, never went for pedicures, never to the movies..Life got in the way. It was not until Kelley got sick that I was able to tell her how I felt about her..that I loved her..that I loved her for loving Jack so well.
Jack was scheduled for a business trip to Sweden. Nanny was to go stay at the house with Kelley and the kids. For some reason, I called Kelley the week before and asked if I could come sleepover with the girls...(Emma would love it!) Little did I know that this was all in the plan.
The day before Kelley died, I took her for radiation, then we went to a local furniture store so she could order a coffee table!! Then back to the hospital for chemo. The most heartfelt conversation I ever had with Kelley took place that morning. She told me so many things..most of all how she was at peace with her prognosis, and as I cried as she said it, she told me to be brave. She was so strong.
We talked a bit about heaven and she told me a story of a prayer group friend's sister who had died from breast cancer. This woman told her family that when she died she would give them a sign that she was okay. She determined that she would be something shimmery or sparkling. I asked Kelley if she could come back as something what would it be? She told me she was not sure, but not something cliche like a bird or butterfly!! Kelley looked at me and simply said "I just really love the idea of a sparkle" I replied that is such a nice thought...to be a sparkle. And that was it.. nothing else was said about it.
Kelley died on Wednesday, a day after I was sitting with her talking about coffee tables. We all knew she was terminal but you are just never ready. I was in furthur turmoil because Jack could not be there. I was there for Jack, I held her hand, I cared for her the way Jack would have done. But that was Kelley's plan, she was protecting Jack. She loved him so much she did not want him to suffer. The day following her death was terrible, I was in a fog and just emotionally and physically spent. I went home to David and my girls.
I did not sleep much that night, as I thought so much about Kelley. Maeve woke up extra early that morning as well. I was anxious to get her from her crib and as I went to pick her up, I see as plain as can be, a small fleck of glitter in the middle of her forehead. That was the sparkle. I knew that Kelley was ok and was watching over us.
And I knew then that we would all be ok too.
